❗New Excerpt (02-17-26)❗

I am selfish.

Though I suspect this is a universal condition, I can’t help but believe I’m more selfish than others. Every action, whether deliberate or instinctive, is *always* a result of self-interest. Even altruistic gestures are in self-regard. If a decision is ours to make, then whatever decision is made is made because it was, in some sense, wanted.

Recognizing this, though, does NOT absolve me. If anything, my belief in psychological egoism makes each of my decisions *more* inescapably mine. I get no comfort that others can, in believing my motives can be separated from what I want. If every action comes from some form of self-interest, then everything I do must come from it too.

I’m afraid I’ll start making selfish-perceived decisions, knowing that no matter what I choose, I will be selfish anyway. I’m afraid people will see that all my perceived goodness was never selfless to begin with. I’m guilt-ridden that every choice I’ve made & every choice I make comes from self-interest. I’m guilt-ridden not because of that fact, but because I don’t care that my decisions are selfish, only that I am, & that I know it. I’m guilty because no matter what I can or will do is good. That I don’t do good because I can never be good.